Okay, I’d like to talk about something. I guess talk might be the wrong word, because I’m just going to say things and you won’t have the ability to respond till the comments. I would like to diatribe at you for a bit, so here we go.
I’m sure plenty of you have seen this. Certainly other people have covered it, but I saw a crowded market place and said, “Me too!” For those that are link adverse, I have helpfully summarized the proposed legislation below:
1. Broadcasters need to pay the RIAA to play songs.
2. MP3/Mobile devices must include an FM receiver.
To which I respond:
1. No they don’t.
2. You’re retarded.
For one thing, if the National Association of Broadcasters’ members need to pay the RIAA, will the RIAA even bother to cash the check before they hand it right back to them? For another thing, when the hell do you get someone to pay you to promote you? It’s the equivalent of a restaurant charging you to recommend it to your friend. I guess it’s a good deal if you can get it, and it’s even better if it’s signed into law. To be fair, this deal already exists for musicians, but that’s a whole ‘nother post.
Now clearly the NAB must’ve felt like they were taking crazy pills when they were asked to pay for this. So their solution… was to see how far down the rabbit hole goes. Requiring MP3 players and mobile devices to have FM receivers is batshit lunacy. Here’s my favorite NAB quote regarding why they support this change:
“There are few if any technologies that match the reliability of broadcast radio in terms of getting lifeline information to the masses.”
You know, plain old telephone service is extremely reliable, why not mandate every cellphone have a jack and cord attached to it? The car with a buggy whip is a frequent analogy for it, let’s see if I can beat it. Sell running shoes with knee pads, because crawling is more reliable. Mandate jet aircraft have biplane wings attached for more reliable lift. Why not mandate all adopted children come with umbilical cords? After all, few if any technologies can match the ability of the umbilical cord to deliver nutrients to a child.
Alright, I’m spent for now. Watch out for my next post where I will record a 22 minute show that provides a satirical take on recent news. It will lampoon notable political figures, often throwing their words back at them. It will be hosted by a comedian who has achieved elder statesman status. I call it the Weekly Show. After that, is sliced bread the hottest thing since sliced bread?